why i’m cancelling ‘should’
Should is code for ‘i don’t really want to but I think I have to because [insert list of excuses here]’
excuses include:
someone told me to
someone expects me to
society expects me to
I’m too scared to follow my instincts and break away from the pack
I’m worried i’ll look bad if i don’t
I’m worried I’ll let someone down if i don’t
Should means you know how you really feel about something and just don’t want to admit it to yourself.
Should has enabled me to make safe and boring choices. to put the needs and expectations of others before my own.
Photo by Grégoire Hervé-Bazin on Unsplash
Should has helped me make decisions that make others happy, often at the expense of my own happiness. Should has sucked the joy out of being present.
Should has been offered as part of unsolicited advice from people who are trying to impose their values or their decision-making tactics onto me.
Should encourages me to compare myself to others in a way that is discouraging rather than motivating. Should then leads me to think of myself as helpless, paving the way for procrastination and inaction.
***
since i have decided to cancel Should from my vocabulary i have
a) noticed just how often i say it!
and
b) felt like a weight has been lifted
cancelling Should has helped me stay true to myself and prioritize what is important to me.
i’ve become more decisive and i’ve owned my decisions without feeling obligated to give explanations.
i waste less time with overthinking and more time on being productive.
if i do find myself verging towards should, i instead focus on what it is that makes me feel like ‘should’ing’ in the first place.
Don’t get me wrong, i haven’t become this uber-productive over confident monster. i still procrastinate. i still get lazy. i still find myself slipping into shoulds - but i manage to snap out of it pretty quickly.
for me, cancelling ‘should’ feels like i’m investing in myself. And i like that idea a lot.
I’m curious. Are there any words you are cancelling from your vocabulary?
if you’re happy to share, i’m happy to feature them in the next letter :)
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Takeaways
This week I’ve been binge-watching Happy Valley. i never watched it when it first came out and boy have i been gripped. rumour has it that there will be a series three…i can’t wait!